Toke Makinwa Talks About Her Suicide Attempt
Media personality, Toke Makinwa, in her new book “On Becoming” reveals she tried committing suicide after her marriage hit the rocks.
According to her, “I was sitting in the bedroom one day. There was a bottle of Dettol in the bathroom and a thought came, very strong, “Just drink it and die. What’s the point? The whole world is laughing at you right now. Just end it.”
Talking about her wedding, “Finally, I thought. He chose me! He has stepped up and he’s finally ready to make us a priority.
It was my wedding day.
I was happy, yet I was waiting for something to happen. Maje had disappointed me three times before. We would pick a date to go to the wedding registry and he would call it off…. We had discussed eloping, but he’d never committed to any plan.
It wasn’t until we shared our first dance to John Legend’s ‘All of Me’ that I finally believed that it had happened.
We got back together… Maje invited me to Abuja…. As I was putting away my things I saw all kinds of feminine items – earrings on the dresser, sanitary pads in the drawer.”
On their breakups and makeups,
“Months passed and I still couldn’t find a job (in London). And I was still heartbroken. Maje and Anita were officially an item, and I stalked them on Facebook. Maje would put her picture up and they would write on each other’s walls.
…one cold night as I got off the bus, I got a Facebook message from Maje. It read: ‘I miss you and I cannot deny or hide it, come back to me’.
We started talking again… I convinced myself that he had changed.
Maje and I had been together for nine years, on and off, at this point, and it had been an unending cycle of hurt and betrayal. Every time we took ten steps forward in our relationship, we took fifty back. Each time I gave up and let go, Maje would come after me and hold on so tightly till I gave in.”